Feature Columns
Rock star Dan
By Dan St. Yves
Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I‘m not sure why, but I have never really embraced computer or video gaming.
Oh sure, I‘ve played a few of the popular ones over the years, mainly with family and friends. Here‘s how that usually goes. After a brief demonstration to get me started, the friend or family member will then proceed to obliterate me, all the while proclaiming that they don‘t really play all that often themselves.
Recently, however, I arrived late to a party that‘s been going strong for at least a year or so now. During a family gathering not too long ago, I was introduced to Rock Band, a different version of the similar game Guitar Hero.
The concept of this game is rather simple. There are instruments attached to the gaming console, such as a guitar, a set of drums, and a microphone. The screen then illustrates popular rock songs of the past few decades, and then via alternating coloured dots, you press corresponding colours on the instrument you have chosen to play.
Some dexterity and coordination skills are required, as many of these songs have a tempo less like a gentle oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah and more like a heavy-metal auctioneer.
One of my younger cousins illustrated the procedure. I should have informed him that I was quite the guitar player in my younger days and I felt like I could handle this part of the game set best.
Taking the guitar in my hands, I suddenly felt it come alive. It seemed to glow with simmering power, as I ran my fingers along its plastic frets. I don‘t know why, but I felt like a young Eric Clapton, or B.B. King with that instrument in my hands. It just felt right.
The song chosen to play along with was Aerosmith‘s Walk This Way. I guessed I would have to wait until later to master something a bit tougher, like Van Halen‘s Eruption.
As the song began, however, those coloured dots really flew across the television screen. Every time I took my eyes off the screen to look at the guitar frets, the console indicated I had missed the correct note by a rockin‘ mile. Eric Clapton? More like Eric Crapton!
Moving over to the miniature drum set, I hoped that my years of jammin‘ in garage bands had left some vestige of proper drumming techniques. My skills at playing artificial instruments were clearly abysmal.
Switching over to Wii Sports to end the evening, I ended up obliterating all the competition at baseball. Who knew I was such a natural on the ball field? And did it really matter that most of my opponents were age 10 and under?
Not to my fragile ego. So long Rockstar – play ball!
- Dan St. Yves is a humour columnist. His column appears each Wednesday in eVent! Check out Dan’’s website at www.nonsenseandstuff.com or contact him at ThatDanGuy@shaw.ca.